


Paso Doble

by Electra_XT



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Bonding, Diego Hargreeves Gets A Haircut, Dirty Talk, Domesticity, Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, Multi, Post-Season/Series 02, Praise Kink, Sibling Incest, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:02:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25834687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electra_XT/pseuds/Electra_XT
Summary: Diego reached into his pocket, fishing around for the slip of paper and holding it out. “Lila is hiding in a vacation rental house in Texas. We have to find her.”“And what exactly do you think we’re going to do when we arrive at her house?” Five said.Diego hesitated. “Bond?”
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts
Comments: 33
Kudos: 195





	Paso Doble

**Author's Note:**

> Back again after s2!! Like always, Five is aged up to be in his 20s.

“There is something deeply fucked up about 1963,” Diego said, tossing the map up onto the dashboard.

The sun was beginning to set, and the Texas sky stretched over the horizon in an endless haze as Five and Diego drove down I-30. Their car rattled slightly, protesting the long hours its two occupants had forced it to run. Diego had to remind himself to resist from two things: picking at the vinyl of his seat, and telling Five to drive faster.

Five was a good driver, though. Diego wasn’t sure where he’d learned to do it.

“And I’m not even talking about the social issues,” Diego said. “I’m not even touching the racism and the sexism and the homophobia and the bullshit. I mean, it’s real, but this isn’t about that.”

“You’ve developed a tendency to monologue,” Five said. “I don’t know if I prefer it to the silent brooding.”

“I’m confident now, shut up,” Diego said. “But there’s something unsettling about being here.”

“I hear JFK might get assassinated,” Five said.

“I’m gonna smack you,” Diego said.

Five smirked out at the road. “While I’m driving?”

“Watch me,” Diego said, but he settled comfortably back in his seat. “No. It’s more like— I don’t know how to be myself here. No one recognizes my movie references.”

“The clothing is disquieting,” Five said.

“No sushi,” Diego said.

“People don’t _know_ things,” Five said.

“The energy here is off,” Diego said. “I can’t even describe it. The air tastes different. You’re never quite able to find your footing. Every place is full of bad memories.”

“I agree,” Five said. “So why are we back?”

“Because I asked you to come on a mission with me, and you said yes,” Diego said.

“I’m not sure if you’re aware how little an answer that is,” Five said.

Diego stretched. “Because we need a vacation from 2019?”

“If I needed a vacation, which I don’t,” Five said, “the way I would go about it would not be following you on a mission. Cut the shit.”

Diego opened his mouth, and then he closed it. 

“My man Herb let me into the switchboard again,” he said.

There was a silence.

“That’s going to give you a god complex if you do it too much,” Five said.

“Takes one to know one,” Diego said, watching his face.

“Were you even looking for anything?” Five said. 

“Yeah,” Diego said.

Five looked over at him. “And…?”

“Keep your eyes on the road,” Diego said. He propped his feet up on the dashboard. “And, I was looking for something. Someone, to be specific.”

Five’s knuckles went white on the steering wheel.

“I’ve been trying to track Lila down,” Diego said. 

“I should have known,” Five said.

“She’s been moving around too quickly for them to locate her, but Herb just sent me one of those little capsules,” Diego said. He reached into his pocket, fishing around for the slip of paper and holding it out. “207 Green Street, Glen Rose, Texas. Lila is hiding in a vacation rental house in Texas. We have to find her.”

“And what exactly do you think we’re going to do when we arrive at her house?” Five said.

Diego hesitated. “Bond?”

“And you tell me this as we’re in the fucking car, as I’m driving you,” Five said. “You couldn’t have given me any warning—”

“If I told you ahead of time, you wouldn’t have come with me!” Diego said.

“That’s a sign you shouldn’t have tricked me into doing something I don’t want to do,” Five said. “Jesus, Diego.”

“I swear this is important,” Diego said.

“No,” Five said. “It’s your girlfriend.”

“That’s a strong word to throw around,” Diego said.

“Ex-girlfriend,” Five said.

“Well,” Diego said. “That’s a strong word too.”

Five’s expression was sour.

“Look,” Diego said. “If you really want to get out, I have a briefcase in the trunk. We can pull over and you can blink back to 2019.”

“Why me?” Five said. “Of all the people you could bring?”

“Because you’re my favorite sibling,” Diego said.

It was supposed to come out as a joke. As a flip comment. Of course it wasn’t serious; of course he didn’t have a favorite— he loved all his siblings, and he could say that now. The words that had been trapped for so long under the stifling cloak of the city he’d grown up in now sprang to his mind like second nature. Even Luther, Number One; Allison, who took the easy way out; Klaus, who gave up; Five, acerbic and unforgiving; Vanya, who wrote a book about the worst parts of them. Reginald, who was just full of shit.

He kept prodding the wound to see if it hurt. It did, but he kept reminding himself that he didn’t need to prod it anymore.

So they were all even now, and it was better this way. No more shit-talking or gossip or rumors. No more grudges. And maybe if he were a better person, he wouldn’t harbor any secret favorites, but seven-sided shapes weren’t exactly stable— and besides, it wasn’t like Allison and Luther had stopped looking at each other with big eyes.

Five looked out at the road.

“I know you don’t owe me any favors,” Diego said. “But… I trust you.”

The highway was so wide that it didn’t even seem to narrow to a dot in the distance. Diego’s seat vibrated a little with the hum of the engine. The air conditioning whirred in its attempt to keep the car from baking in the sun.

The map fell off the dashboard to the ground, and Diego bent to pick it up.

“Fine,” Five said. “I’ll meet her with you.”

In Diego’s mind, the reunion with Lila could go two ways.

The first option was that she would open the door with a guarded expression, eyes darting around. Looking for something to adapt to. Then she’d see him and her eyes would widen, she’d do that tentative little smile, and she’d tip her head back. _Come in._ She’d sit down on her sofa with enough room for Diego to sit beside her. She’d drum her fingers in her lap and refuse to look at him, but over the course of the evening, Diego would coax her out with gentle words and dogged compassion and light humor, and she’d turn to him and say _how did you find me here,_ and he would say _because I never stopped looking,_ and she would say _I’m glad,_ and he would say _I told you I’m always right_ and she would say _prick_ and then she’d crawl over the sofa into Diego’s lap and wrap her arms around him and breathe in, pressing her face into his neck, and Diego would rub her back and familiarize himself once again with her sharp angles and lean muscles and soft skin.

The second option was that she would try to kill him.

Diego glanced at Five, who was looking out at the road. It was always good to have backup.

“What?” Five said, catching him looking.

“Nothing,” Diego said. “Your adult body still looks way too attractive, for the record.”

“Flatterer,” Five said, but his expression was softer.

Diego ran his tongue over his teeth. If he hadn’t invited Five, there might have been a third option that involved a lot less talking and a lot more breathy sounds as Lila dug her nails into Diego’s back. It would be the easiest option by far. But he wasn’t sure he could handle Lila’s bright smile afterwards as she flicked his chest and said _that was fun._ And— this was difficult to articulate, so he never said it out loud, but even if he had his face buried in Lila’s thighs with her hand twisted in his hair, he’d still feel a little empty. A little guilty. The same way he felt when he was hanging out with his family and he bid them goodnight and walked back to his car and felt a twinge of disappointment when he didn’t find Lila hiding in the backseat.

Maybe he liked having all his favorite things in the same place.

“Are we there yet?” Diego said, tipping his head back against the cracked headrest.

“Patience is a virtue,” Five said, easing his foot imperceptibly off the gas.

Diego flipped him off.

The house Five pulled up to was a small, unassuming ranch that huddled back from the street at the end of a long driveway. In order to get to the door, Diego and Five would have to walk up the long stretch of asphalt like a runway. It wasn’t lit up by street lamps, but two of them would probably be visible from inside the house.

Diego exhaled.

“Nervous?” Five said.

Diego shook his head, looking away.

“You don’t have to do this,” Five said quietly.

“I’m gonna,” Diego said.

“There’s a chance she won’t even want to see you,” Five said. “She went to all this effort to run from you, after all.”

“But she stopped in Texas,” Diego said. “She wants to see me.”

Five worked his jaw. “Are you sure that’s the only way to interpret that?”

“Look,” Diego said. He unbuckled his seatbelt, turning to face Five. “I’ve seen the way you all look at each other when I mention her. I’m sure behind my back it’s even worse— I know, I remember how we all talk shit about Leonard when Vanya’s not there. Everyone thinks I’m crazy for being hung up on her, and I’m tired of it.”

“Fine,” Five interrupted him. “Go. Try to talk sense in each other.”

“Okay,” Diego said.

Five waved a hand.

“Hold up,” Diego said. “You’re coming with me.”

Five pulled back.

“Did you think I just brought you here as a chauffeur?” Diego said.

“I won’t go on your suicide mission,” Five said.

“Jesus, it’s not that,” Diego said. He paused. “Please?”

Five closed his eyes. Diego watched him. His face was elegant and finely-featured; the fading evening light made him look otherworldly.

“Five,” Diego said softly.

Without a word, Five shut off the car. Then he reached for Diego’s hand—

Diego gagged as they appeared on the doorstep in a flare of blue light, doubling over for a moment before he trusted himself to stand steadily. “Fuck,” he said. “I don’t know how you got used to doing that.”

Five shrugged. “If you want me with you, we do it my way.”

“Psycho,” Diego said. He coughed, and then he rang the doorbell.

There was a thump of uneven footsteps. Diego held his breath. All his memories flashed through his mind like a reel of film unwinding, and the night air seemed to hover around him as his mind searched for a reference of what Lila he’d land on tonight. Self-consciously crazy at the asylum, elegant and mischievous at the consulate, imposing and ambiguous on the battlefield, breathless and smiling and unguarded in his bed—

A figure staggered up to the screen door, opening it with a shove.

Diego stared. 

This was barely a Lila at all. In all her many shades of deception, he’d never seen her in a state of genuine disarray before. She looked like Klaus off a bender, or Luther hunched in his overcoat in self-loathing— or Five passed out in the library, clutching a mannequin in one slack arm. She was wearing only a tight black sports bra and a pair of loose gray boxer shorts, and she held a bottle of vodka in her hand, fingers strangling its thin neck. Her hair hung in a scraggly bob, and her face looked weathered and exhausted. 

There was a lot of tan skin on display. Diego blinked.

Lila’s eyes darted around before they met Diego’s, wild and bloodshot. 

Five elbowed him.

“Nope,” Lila said, closing the door.

Diego whipped a knife out, throwing it so it wedged between the door and the frame before the door could lock, the end wobbling in the air.

There was a pause.

“I’m not sure that direct aggression is the best course of action,” Five said.

“I know her,” Diego said. “She’s gonna want to come out and talk to me.”

Five exhaled.

“Don’t,” Diego said. “I don’t wanna hear your _do you really know her_ schtick again. I want to talk to her.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Five said.

The door opened a crack.

“Lila,” Diego said. “C’mon. This isn’t an intervention.”

“Seems a lot like one,” came Lila’s voice.

“You owe yourself,” Diego said. “What are you gonna do, hide out here drinking alone forever?”

“You’re describing an intervention, Diego.”

“We’re going to come back every day,” Diego said. “I won’t stop bugging you until you man up and face your shit. I mean woman up.”

Five snorted. 

“You can go home at any time,” Lila said. “I won’t acknowledge you, so you might cut your losses.”

Five looked up at Diego, tipping his head back towards the car.

Diego shook his head.

 _Why?_ Five mouthed.

“Are you plotting a forced entry?” came Lila’s voice. “It won’t work.”

“Five’s trying to get me to leave,” Diego said.

The door opened.

Lila stepped out onto the porch, snagging Diego’s knife from where it had been wedged in the frame. The pallor of her complexion seemed especially striking in the sunlight. There was a desolate shadow in her posture, rumpled and exhausted; a woman who fought sleep every night. 

Five looked away.

Lila looked down at the knife in her hand, and then threw it, curving it so it snagged Diego’s sleeve before dropping into its sheath in the harness.

“I hate how you do that,” Diego said.

“I suppose you can come in if you want,” Lila said.

“What the hell happened to you?” Diego said, stepping into the house.

It looked like a small hurricane had hit. Lila walked into the living room, kicking clothes and books out of the way. Diego and Five followed, taking note of the extensive disarray: empty bottles that rolled lugubriously across the uneven floor, firearms in a pile in the corner, clothes from every possible region and time period scattered over every surface. 

Diego stepped gingerly over a pair of red lace-up boots lying in the doorway.

“Ran away from Dallas,” Lila said, flopping down on the sofa. “Took the briefcase and went to the North Pole. Then I went to Maui. Australia. Siberia. Ghana. Boston. Rio de Janeiro. West London, 1989. 2050. 3000 BCE.”

“Christ,” Diego said.

“All sorts of places,” Lila said.

Five cracked his knuckles.

Diego looked at him, then looked back at Lila. “So you went on a space-time bender?”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Lila said. She shrugged. “I saw a dinosaur.”

“We’ve all seen dinosaurs,” Five said dismissively.

“What?” Diego said, looking back at him.

“Is this the first time you’ve tried to run away?” Five said.

Lila stretched out on the sofa like a cat, regarding him. “What’s it to you?”

“That’s what everyone does on their first vacation from the Commission,” Five said. “You get the briefcase, you don’t have an assignment, you realize you can go anywhere you want, so you go see the dinosaurs.”

Lila ran her tongue over her lower lip, watching Five unblinkingly.

“You’re not going through anything new,” Five said. 

“You killed my parents,” Lila said.

Diego looked down.

Five shot Diego a look.

 _“Bye,”_ Lila said.

“Lila, wait,” Diego said.

“You’re not going through anything new,” Five said, enunciating clearly.

Lila sat up, looking at him with bloodshot eyes.

“I don’t like you,” Five said. “But I’ve lived too long and seen too much to deny anyone mercy. You’re going through Commission withdrawal and you just lost your third parent. You’re not fooling anybody by trying to go it alone.”

“I’m _fine,”_ Lila said.

“You’re a mess,” Diego said. “Look at this place.”

Lila looked around. Diego watched her. He could see how she catalogued every object differently in the presence of the two of them. Her face changed minutely, expression unfolding from stubborn to despairing, and then she flopped back on the sofa.

“Christ,” she said. She rubbed her face, screwing up her expression. “Maybe you’re right. I’m a bloody mess. I don’t even know where to start; I can’t think of an area I’m not fucked up in.”

“Look,” Diego said. He leaned forward, looking into Lila’s eyes. “We’ll stay with you, okay? We’ll give you second chances. We’ll listen.” He looked at Five. “Right?”

Five’s jaw was tight. “Right.”

“Even _he_ will,” Diego said. “Come on. Detente.”

For a moment, there was no sound but the hum of the air conditioning.

Then Lila flapped a hand. “You two can sleep in the spare room.”

“Why are you being so weird?” Diego said, pulling Five into the guest bedroom and shutting the door. “You said you wanted to help her. Why can’t you just chill?”

Five teleported away, tossing his bag on the bed. “I don’t think I’m the— unusual one for being a little bit wary of the woman who tried to _kill_ you, Diego.”

“She did not try to kill me,” Diego said.

Five looked over at him.

“She drugged me and kidnapped me and brought me to the Commission under the condition that if I failed, she would have to kill me,” Diego said.

“Why do I bother with you?” Five said, reaching down and unzipping his bag and pulling out some pajamas. “Why? Ever?”

“Because you know that when I fixate on something I’m not insane,” Diego said. He paused. “Right?”

He never wanted to hear anybody bring up his JFK obsession again.

Five ground the heel of his palm into his eye. “I don’t understand. When I found you in the first apocalypse, you said you were a lone wolf. When I found you in the second apocalypse, you wouldn’t listen to anyone and you were hell-bent on proving yourself as the hero at any cost. Is that what this is, Diego? Are you so desperate to fix Lila that you’ll give your dignity away to do it?”

“Don’t,” Diego said, voice low. “She doesn’t need fixing.”

Five turned, beginning to unbutton his shirt.

“No more than you or I need fixing,” Diego said.

“We both need a lot of fixing,” Five said.

“We might need help,” Diego said. “That’s not the same thing.”

“So you’re saying you’re coming here to help her?”

“I do not understand you,” Diego said. “When it’s your thing, you’re impatient with the rest of us being selfish. _Come save the world, Diego. We have one hour, Diego._ But now if it’s my thing—”

“I choose my obsessions carefully,” Five said. “And you might notice, Diego, that the last two things I asked you to throw your life away for were doomsday. Not some girl who you—”

Diego raised his eyebrows.

Five stripped out of his shirt, dropping it to the floor.

“Say it,” Diego said.

“Not… her,” Five said.

“No, you were going to say something else,” Diego said. “Say it.”

“Not some girl who you picked up in a mental asylum,” Five said. 

His shoulders were tense.

“Is that really it?” Diego said. “Where I found her, is that what you’re hung up on?”

“Fine,” Five said. “Not some girl who you fucked once and then decided to chase after like a lonely puppy.”

“All right,” Diego said. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“I don’t understand,” Five said, tugging off his belt. “If one of us had had that kind of history with you— that would make sense. Vanya tried to kill us and we all stood by her. I dropped you all scattered across the timeline and you still stood by me. But I’ve never seen you like this with anyone else, Diego. The lengths to which you’ll go to make her happy, the way you look at her, how distracted you get when she shows up in that damn bra—”

Diego opened his mouth, and then closed it.

“If you wanted to get laid, you could have gone yourself,” Five said. “You didn’t have to drag me with you across Texas to bear witness as you hooked up with the girl who drugged you and kidnapped you.”

“Five,” Diego said.

“But ‘no, Five, she _matters,’”_ Five said. “Clearly, she’s important to you. You’re obviously obsessed with something about her, and no one can see what you’re so smitten with, and it’s flagrantly apparent that she has something that none of the rest of us have—”

“Five,” Diego interrupted. “Are you jealous?”

There was a short pause.

“I thought your priority was your family,” Five said, stepping out of his pants.

“Yeah,” Diego said, and before Five could move, he dragged him in and kissed him.

Diego’s eyelashes fluttered, disoriented in the moment between waking and clarity, until his eyes snapped open and he realized where he was. He felt a wash of adrenaline. After months of searching, it was almost surreal to know that he and Lila were in the same house.

Diego smiled as the rest of yesterday flooded into his mind. He’d kissed Five last night.

No regrets.

He rolled out of bed, dressing perfunctorily. Five was gone, which meant that he was probably eating breakfast. The old early bird was a stickler for the most important meal of the day. Diego ran a hand through his shaggy hair and walked down the hallway, feet silent in socks. Maybe he would bump Five with his hip, smile at him with his most charming smile, hit on him once or twice to make him blush, start the day off right—

He stopped when he came in sight of the kitchen. Five was sitting at the table. Lila was at the counter, fixing herself a cup of coffee.

Diego hesitated, and then stepped back into the shadows so they couldn’t see him.

“This coffee’s shit,” Lila said, breaking the quiet. “Do you want any?”

“No thank you,” Five said.

“Okay,” Lila said. She reached across the table for the bag of sugar, picking it up and shaking about three tablespoons into her mug.

Five sat at the other end of the table in silence.

“I’ll never forgive you,” Lila said.

“I don’t want you to,” Five said. “I don’t forgive myself for anyone I killed for her.”

“Good,” Lila said.

Five worked his jaw. “Diego would like me to conveniently forget what you did to him, but I don’t think I can do that either.”

“Fair enough,” Lila said.

“I need to know that you regret it,” Five said.

Lila smiled. “I like your brother far too much to feel good about drugging and kidnapping him.”

Five narrowed his eyes.

“I’m serious!” Lila said.

“Are you?” Five said.

“Cross my heart,” Lila said. “You know why I took that space-time bender? I wanted to turn my life around. Stop brutally mistreating the people I l— care about.”

“Excellent,” Five said. “Perhaps you can endeavor to stop being a psychopath.”

The room lapsed into quiet. Diego rubbed his face. He was an _idiot._ How had he ever thought this would work?

“I figure it’s going to be exhausting to hate you,” Lila said finally.

“Because of Diego?” Five said.

Diego’s breath caught.

“Maybe,” Lila said.

“He’s not a person you want to cross,” Five said.

“I’m not scared of him.”

“I’m not saying you should be.”

Lila raised her eyebrows.

“Diego feels things deeply,” Five said. “His loyalties are what drive him.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” Lila said, picking up her mug with two hands. “Something the lot of you all have in common.”

“I spent forty-five years alone,” Five said. “That tends to narrow a person’s lens.”

“Shit,” Lila said.

Five smiled tightly. “Exactly.”

“I don’t know how you could’ve functioned,” Lila said, taking a sip of her coffee. “Without going insane.”

Five laughed.

“Oh,” Lila said, putting down the cup. “Maybe you’re the one they should have put in the asylum, hm?”

“I assure you I’ve done my share of solitary confinement,” Five said.

“Fair enough,” Lila said.

Five hesitated.

“What?” Lila said.

“I shouldn’t have left him in the asylum,” Five said.

Lila rolled her head, cracking her neck.

Five flexed his hand. “I knew he doesn’t like needles.”

Lila was quiet.

“I regret it every day,” Five said. “And it never comes up, so I can’t apologize.”

“I saw what it did to him,” Lila said. “I bet it comes up in his mind all the time. He trusted you.”

Five ducked his head. “I know that.”

“You screwed up big time,” Lila said.

Five’s voice was broken. “I _know.”_

Silence.

Lila exhaled. “If the Handler were still alive, she would have wanted me to hate you.”

“Likewise,” Five said.

“And you’ve done some truly heinous things.”

“Likewise,” Five said.

“So perhaps a real detente is in order,” Lila said, looking up at him. “Can we make that work?”

Five reached across the table, picking up her mug and taking a sip.

There was another pause, but a warmer one. Lila reached for the mug, taking it back. Five stood up, going to the coffeepot and pouring himself his own, and Lila watched him from the table.

“He’s a special guy, your brother,” Lila said. “Not the village idiot after all.”

“No,” Five said quietly. “No, he isn’t.”

Diego stepped back into the hallway, retreating where he could no longer hear them. His heart was glowing.

Diego was stepping out of the bathroom after a shower, hair wet and hanging, towel tight around his waist, when Five warped in front of him.

“Hey,” Diego said.

Five took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for abandoning you in the asylum,” he said. “And for letting them do that to you. And for dismissing everything you said and—”

Diego pulled him into a tight one-armed hug.

“Okay,” Lila said, standing in front of Five and Diego. She looked down at the bottle of vodka in her hands. “Time to rehabilitate me, I suppose.”

“I have somewhere I want to take you,” Diego said.

“Is this some Eat Pray Love thing?” Lila said. “Are we going on an adventure?” She followed Diego as he walked through the house to the back door. “At least tell me if I have to put shoes on.”

“You don’t have to put shoes on,” Diego said.

“What are you doing?” Five said, materializing next to Diego.

“You’ll see,” Diego said. He made his way down the stairs into the backyard, standing on the grass. “Come here.”

“Are we doing the Karate Kid?” Lila said.

“Come closer,” Diego said.

Lila shot him a deeply skeptical look, moving closer to him.

“Closer,” Diego said.

Lila stepped in.

Diego took the bottle of vodka from her hand and hurled it across the yard, smashing it against a tree.

“Prick!” Lila said. “That was good alcohol.”

“Not apologizing,” Diego said. “Get off your ass and stop day-drinking.”

“I’m curious,” Five said. “Did this ever work with Klaus?”

“Lila’s not Klaus,” Diego said. He pointed at her. “Don’t become an addict.”

“I’m not an _addict,”_ Lila said. “I’m traumatized.” She widened her eyes in innocence.

“We all are,” Five said.

“I wanna work through it with you,” Diego said. “I want to help you, Lila. But start treating yourself with some respect.”

Lila rubbed her face. “I’m not a charity case.”

“I know,” Diego said.

“You’re just that hell-bent on spending time with me even though I’m terrible, aren’t you?” Lila said.

“I have plenty of experience spending time with terrible people,” Diego said.

“The difference is they love you back, we get it,” Lila said. “Whatever. All right. You can stick around.”

Diego bit his lip, trying to stifle the smile that lit up his face.

“Can I choose the next activity?” Lila said.

“Let me get this straight,” Diego said. “You disappear. I spend three months tracking you down across the timeline. I take my brother and we time-travel to 1963 and drive out to your house and refuse to take no for an answer. You finally let us inside. I promise I’m here as long as you need me; as long as you’re in the mood for company, as long as you want someone here to help you deal with the fallout of everything that happened. And what you want to do first is cut my hair?”

“Yes,” Lila said. “There’s nothing that I want more.”

Diego reached up and touched his hair where it hung. “Is it really that bad?”

“If people haven’t been telling you how bad it is, they’re lying to you,” Lila said.

“We have been telling him,” Five said, warping next to Lila and handing her the scissors.

“Yeah, but I always assume you guys are talking shit,” Diego said. “And Klaus said I look like Antonio Banderas.”

“Which one is Klaus?” Lila said.

“Long hair, quirky, big surprised eyes with too much eyeliner,” Five said. “Cult leader. He can see ghosts.”

“Oh, yeah,” Lila said. She experimentally tossed the scissors in the air, catching them perfectly like Diego did. “Don’t trust that one’s sense in fashion.”

“He also said I look like Inigo Montoya,” Diego said.

“Klaus thinks _he_ looks good with long hair,” Five said.

“Can none of you dress?” Lila said. “My God.”

“Five can,” Diego said.

Lila spared Five a glance. “Then what kept you in that schoolboy uniform for so long?”

“Nostalgia,” Five said.

Lila made a face.

“Fine, you can cut my hair,” Diego said. “But you have to promise it’ll look good.”

“What could go wrong?” Lila said.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Diego said. “I don’t see any downside to putting my appearance in the hands of two knuckleheads with sadistic streaks.”

“Hey,” Lila said. “I’m only the second part of that.”

“At least let me have a mirror?” Diego said.

“We promise we’ll make you look good,” Five said.

“How’s this?” Lila said, pulling back, scissors in hand. She was perched on the sofa with Diego on the floor in front of her between her legs. “Opinion, Five?”

Five studied Diego intently. Diego squinted back.

“You wanna see the back?” Lila said, gleeful.

“I do,” Five said. He warped behind them. “Christ, is that—?”

“It’s a very nice mullet,” Lila said.

“Lila!” Diego said.

“He looks like he just crawled out of a sewer,” Five said.

“I know,” Lila said happily.

“Can I have a turn?” Five said.

“Knock yourself out,” Lila said, handing him the scissors.

“Can you give me a mirror now?” Diego said.

“No,” Five said.

Lila tightened her thighs around Diego’s body. “You said I could cope with my trauma however I wanted.”

“Don’t pull the trauma card,” Diego said. “Doesn’t do shit in our family.” He twisted around, looking up at her. “I’m serious. Don’t fuck it up beyond repair.”

“We won’t,” Five said. His eyes tracked over Diego’s face, taking him in like he wanted to say something more.

Lila tugged on what was left of Diego’s hair. “We like your pretty face.”

“Can I take another look?”

“Yeah, come here. Look at the back.”

“What— oh, _Five.”_

“Yes?”

“That’s not— how did you even— it’s not even straight, you just cut off chunks.”

“Do you have a problem with it?”

“Yeah. Several. I’m taking away your scissors, it’s my turn.”

“You two better make this up to me,” Diego said, looking out across the room.

Diego zoned out after a while, tipping his head back into Lila’s hands as the two of them studied him. He felt like he was floating, or like he was falling asleep— but also wired and awake. All the touches to his scalp were making him loopy.

“My leg’s falling asleep,” Lila said. “Five, you want to give it another go?”

“Would you let me?” Five said.

“Yeah,” Lila said. “He’s yours, after all.” She got up, squeezing Five’s shoulder as she walked barefoot to the kitchen.

“So,” Diego said as Five took the position behind him. “Are you two…?”

“Are we what?” Five said.

“Nothing,” Diego said. He resisted the urge to scratch his head. “You just seem like you’re not about to kill each other.”

Five hesitated. “You care about her,” he said. “She must be important.”

“I know you two have history,” Diego said.

“We do,” Five said.

He picked up the scissors, beginning where Lila had left off. Snippets of hair floated down over Diego’s bare shoulders.

“But you didn’t throw in the towel,” Diego said.

Five’s hands paused. “We’ll always have a past,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a future.”

“I’m done,” Five said, setting the scissors down next to him.

Lila warped back into the room.

“Can I see it?” Diego said.

“Yeah,” Lila said. “One sec.”

Her eyes were wide. Diego looked up at her, trying to read her face.

“Tell me he didn’t fuck it up,” he said.

“He didn’t fuck it up,” Lila said softly.

Five warped into Diego’s lap. Diego looked down at him, awed. Then Five fisted his hands in Diego’s shirt and leaned up, kissing him hard and fierce. 

Diego moaned into his mouth, small and helpless. For a moment his whole body felt elated, suspended in the euphoria of the moment, and then he kissed Five back, hungry and thorough, not pulling back until Five was gasping for breath.

“You look _good,”_ Five said.

“Yeah?” Diego said, smiling at him. His heart was pounding.

Lila crawled over, turning Diego’s face to the side with one hand and leaning in to kiss him on the lips. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered. “He made you look like you deserve.”

In the end, it felt like the most natural thing. Diego wasn’t really aware of the process that led him to be lying on the living room floor, sandwiched between Five and Lila, trading kisses as their hands worked to undress him, tugging off his clothes until he was completely naked between them— but he wasn’t complaining.

“Christ, passing me around,” Diego said hazily.

“You’re so pretty,” Lila said, petting his chest. “Feels selfish to keep you for myself.”

Diego smiled up at her, tipping his head towards Five. “He’s never felt that way.”

“I tend to be possessive,” Five said. 

“Understatement,” Diego said.

Five ducked his head down, kissing Diego fiercely. “He’s right. I don’t share well.”

“But you’ll share with me, hm?” Lila said.

“I’ll consider it,” Five said. He ran his hand over Diego’s pectoral. “He used to have a nipple ring, you know.”

“Really?” Lila said. She touched Diego’s nipple lightly. “Which side?”

“Left,” Five said.

“How’d you know that?” Diego said, turning his head to Five.

“I pay attention,” Five said.

“Have you slept with him before?” Lila said, looking at Five across Diego.

Five shook his head.

“We’ve only known each other as adults for… two weeks to three months,” Diego said. “Not a lot of time to fall into bed.”

Lila smiled.

“Yeah, I know, I was easy for you,” Diego said. He reached up, tugging Lila’s hair lightly. “But also, I hadn’t gotten laid since I landed in ’63, so don’t flatter yourself.”

Lila kissed Diego’s chest. “I like you easy.”

“Clearly,” Five said. He slipped his hand down, circling his fingers around Diego’s cock. Diego twitched. “What’s she like in bed, Diego?”

“A demon,” Diego said. “She’s— ah— she likes being on top.”

“I was trying not to aggravate your stab wound,” Lila said.

“Yeah, but you have a bossy streak, baby,” Diego said, smiling at her. “You’re feisty.”

“Maybe you just have a submissive streak,” Lila said. She looked up at Five. “He’s fantastic with his mouth.”

“With those lips, he’d better be,” Five said. “Otherwise it’s false advertising.”

Diego ran his tongue over his lower lip, grinning.

“Oh, you,” Lila said.

Diego tipped his head over to Five. “Wanna see me do a trick?”

“Is the trick going down on Lila?” Five said.

Diego hesitated.

“Oh, no, you were going to say that making her come is the trick,” Five said. “I understand now.”

“I was specifically going to say making her come so hard she screams,” Diego said.

“That’s a good trick,” Lila said.

“I know,” Diego said, smirking.

“A little too good, though,” Lila said. “Sorry, love. I don’t scream.”

“Aah,” Lila choked out. _“Fuck.”_

Diego pressed his face in deeper, her legs slung over his shoulders to give him the right angle as he tongued inside her, hot and wet and close, two fingers working inside her ass. He could feel Five close above him, lapping at her clit.

“Nnnh, God,” Lila said, high and breathy. “Don’t get smug don’t get smug don’t get smug oh fuck oh fuck—”

Diego curled his fingers inside her.

Lila whimpered, trembling against their faces, shuddering. “Oh, fuck,” she said breathlessly. Her hands fisted in the sheets as Diego licked deep into her, mouth wet, Five’s tongue so close. “Christ, fuck, fuck, _fuck, aah—!”_

“Don’t,” Lila said, propping herself up on her forearms and looking at them, “get smug.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Diego said, sitting back on his heels and smiling.

Five wiped his mouth.

Lila exhaled. “Brothers do it better,” she said. “Apparently.” She dropped her eyes to Diego’s hard cock. “Seems like you get quite worked up when you’re taking care of a woman.”

“Yeah, I’ll cop to that,” Diego said. He dropped his voice. “You wanna ride me? I can make you come like that again, you’re gonna feel so full of my cock, you’ll be screaming our names til your throat’s sore in the morning—”

Lila leaned in and kissed him, stopping his mouth. Diego’s lips were slick from eating her out. Then she pulled back, looking over at Five.

“No,” she said. “I want him to.”

“How long’s it been since you rode a dick?” Diego said, watching Lila finger Five open with expert ease.

“A while,” Five said.

“Who’ve you been with other than Diego and me?” Lila said.

Five cleared his throat.

“Wait, are you a virgin?” Lila said.

Five coughed. “No.”

“Wait,” Diego said. “Five. Who have you been with?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be busy fingering me?” Five said. He canted his hips up.

“Well, now you’ve got me interested,” Lila said, hooking her fingers and making him gasp as she found his prostate. “Who is it?”

“Oh, shit,” Diego said, realization dawning.

Five looked over at him.

Diego grinned. “Shit, man!”

“Don’t make a big deal of this,” Five said, pained. “We can just forget it. We’ve been through enough, we don’t have to—”

“What?” Lila said. “I’m not getting it.”

“He slept with the Handler,” Diego said.

There was a silence.

“What,” Lila said.

“In my defense,” Five said weakly, “I didn’t know you when she and I…”

Diego cackled. “He fucked your mom, Lila!”

“Jesus,” Lila said, aggrieved. “That’s revolting.”

“How’s it feel to plow your way through two generations of Commission chicks?” Diego said.

“Don’t be puerile,” Lila said. She looked at Five. “Can we never talk about this again?”

“Please,” Five said.

“I mean, it’s not biological,” Diego said. “But I swear, Five, you’ve gotten more time assassin pussy than anyone in the timeline. I mean, I was only there for a day, so I couldn’t beat your record—”

“I think I’m ready,” Five said to Lila. “Let me up so I can make him stop talking.”

“Gladly,” Lila said, drawing her fingers out of him. She caught Five’s dick in her fingers and kissed the head. “I believe in you.”

“And you haven’t gotten fucked since then?” Diego said, looking up as Five climbed on top of him.

Five hesitated.

“It’s easy peasy,” Lila said. “Especially with a nice dick like Diego’s.”

Diego shivered, looking over at her.

“I can ride a cock,” Five said. “I’m not a virgin.” He lifted himself up, straddling Diego and sinking down carefully onto his dick.

Diego’s whole body went electric. _“Fuck,”_ he managed. “Fff— that’s good.”

“Yeah?” Five said, a little uncertain.

 _“Yes,”_ Diego said.

“I promise it’s easy,” Lila said. She was watching them with a hand between her legs, rubbing her wet fingertips over her clit, and her body was flushed. “You want a tip?”

“No,” Five said.

“Spell _coconut,”_ Lila said.

Diego blinked. “Pardon?”

“Spell _coconut_ with your hips when you’re riding him,” Lila said. She got on her hands and knees, beginning to swivel her hips. “Get that C, O, C—”

“Keep going,” Diego said, transfixed.

Lila grinned. “You like me slutty, eh?”

“I like both of you slutty,” Diego said.

“I’m feeling— plenty slutty,” Five said. He adjusted himself, grinding on Diego’s dick. “But that tip is bullshit. It’s not a thing. God, how are you so big?”

“Is that a negative?” Diego said.

“… No,” Five said.

“What letter are you on?” Lila said, crawling up to him.

“I’m not fucking spelling coconut,” Five said, undulating his hips.

“Did you just do the N?” Diego said.

“I really think you should try it,” Lila said. “Diego likes whores.”

“My thing is smart people who act like whores,” Diego said, looking up at Five. “Which I have in abundance.”

“Atta boy,” Lila said, grinning. “C’mon now.”

“No,” Five said. He leaned down, grabbing Diego’s wrists and pinning them deftly to the mattress behind Diego’s head with one hand. His voice went low. “If I’m going to be riding Diego’s dick, he shouldn’t be thinking about what _letter_ I’m on. He shouldn’t be trying to guess my tricks. In fact, I’d wager that he shouldn’t be thinking at all.”

Diego’s eyes went wide.

“Hm,” Lila said.

Five tipped Diego’s chin up with his other hand. “Isn’t that right, Diego? Wouldn’t you rather be worked over and ridden like a stallion?”

Diego nodded, breath caught. He looked up at Five with an expression of worship. His whole body felt like it was floating— he was outside himself but somehow thrillingly aware of every inch of skin, dissolving in endorphins. The only things grounding him were the touch of Five’s hands and the tight, hot clutch of Five’s walls around his dick.

“Good boy,” Five murmured.

Diego whined.

“Oh, he likes that,” Lila said. She crawled behind Diego, settling his head in her lap and stroking her fingers through his hair. “You like it when Five takes control, love?”

“Yeah,” Diego rasped. His cock was rock hard inside Five. He’d never been this turned on in his life.

Lila wound her fingers into Diego’s hair and tugged lightly. “Do you like it when he tells you how good you are?”

Diego’s hips jerked involuntarily.

“You can say so,” Lila murmured. “I’m sure Five thinks you’re _so_ pretty right now. You’re being so obedient for him, letting him ride you.”

“That’s right,” Five said. He touched Diego’s face, fingers steady and sure. “You feel so good, Diego. Lila and I both know how it feels to get fucked on your dick— you do it so well, hm?”

 _“So_ well,” Lila said, scratching Diego’s scalp. “Christ, it’s hard not to crave it. Every time I see you I want that thing inside of me.”

“Don’t— make fun of me,” Diego croaked. “’S not—” He let out a punched-out groan as Five began to move again. “Nnnh, ’s not funny.”

“We’re not making fun of you,” Five said, tipping Diego’s chin up and looking at him seriously. “Can you trust that?”

Diego shuddered out a breath. “I can’t— I’ve never— don’t know what’s going on, I feel…”

“Is it bad?” Lila said.

Diego shut his eyes, and then he shook his head.

“Is it too much?” Five murmured. “More than you’d ever fantasized about?”

Diego nodded.

“Oh, baby,” Lila said. “Diego, we _want_ to take care of you. Do you want that?”

“There’s no judgment,” Five said.

“You two always find an angle,” Diego said, blinking up at Five. His eyes were half-lidded. “Some sarcastic shit. Telling me I’m the village idiot.”

“We won’t,” Lila said. “Not about this.”

“Trust is hard to come by,” Five said. His eyes were sober. “We want to treat you right.”

“You always tell us to let go,” Lila whispered. “Shouldn’t you follow your own advice?”

Five rolled his hips in a dirty grind. Diego moaned, unable to hold back— “Uh huh,” he said, and his voice didn’t sound like his own; he was cracked open, sent deep and floating high at the same time. _“Yeah,_ do— do your worst.”

“There’s our good boy,” Lila said. She scratched his head. “Everyone deserves a break, isn’t that right? Now tell us what you want and we’ll give it to you. Do anything you ask.”

“I don’t know ‘f I can,” Diego said, voice thick. “Five’s right, aah, I can’t think when I’m inside him and you’re touching me like that.”

“Then you don’t have to think,” Five said. “All you have to do is trust. And listen.”

Diego looked up at him.

Five looked at Lila. “You’re better at the talking part than I am.”

“Fair enough, divide and conquer,” Lila said. “Get cracking riding that dick.” She cupped her hands around Diego’s face, leaning in close and whispering as Five began to move in earnest.

“You’re so pretty like this, has anyone ever told you? When you’re laid out like a gift and someone’s properly enjoying you. I bet Five feels so hot around you right now— Christ, you’re lucky to have a brother who knows exactly what you like. I’m sure it’s turning him on like anything to feel how big you are inside him. Can you see how hard he is? That’s all _you,_ that’s what you’re doing to him. You could probably make him come untouched. Or maybe he’ll jerk off while looking down at you, taking in the gorgeous sight of you pinned to the mattress for us— I mean, I would. If I were on top I’d be making sure to grind just right so I could feel that pressure on my clit, because nothing gets me off like seeing you so obedient. I’d come while you were inside me and go all tight and then I’d keep riding you until you made me come again. That’s what I always want with you. One of these days I’m going to spread my legs and pull your hair and put your face between my thighs where you belong and make you work me over like you’re so good at, and I won’t let you up until I’ve come again and again. And maybe I’ll let Five tap you from behind while you’re at it. You’ll be caught between the two of us, rocking back and forth so beautifully overwhelmed— and you’ll look up at me with those gorgeous big eyes and your mouth all wet and I’ll tell you how well you did even though you could feel the evidence with every tremor of me against you. I’ll tell you until you believe it and then I’ll tell you more. I’ll share you with Five, I’ll treat you like a princess, we’ll take care of you and make sure you have everything you could possibly want, Diego, our good boy—”

Diego came like an earthquake.

“Hey,” Lila said, snuggling up beside him as Five went to get a warm washcloth. “How’re you feeling?”

Diego turned his head, tucking his face into her shoulder.

Lila stroked his back. When Five came back, she pushed Diego gently. “Let your boyfriend clean you up.”

“You all right?” Five said, beginning to clean Diego’s chest.

“Yeah,” Diego said. His voice slurred a little. “That’s…”

“Good dick?” Five said. “I know.”

Diego smiled, head relaxing back against Lila. “Don’t tell anyone about that.”

“Who would we tell?” Five said.

“I don’t know,” Diego said. “The family.”

“Your family gets most of you,” Lila said. “They get to love you. But they don’t get this.”

“Yeah, none of them have ever told me my dick’s so good it makes them want to hold me down or whatever,” Diego said.

“Or whatever,” Lila said. She poked him. “Did you not hear a word of what I said?”

“I did,” Diego said. “But my brain breaks whenever I think about it.”

“Too much?” Five said.

“Like you said,” Diego said. “I’ve fantasized, but—”

“But you never got all the way to your brother and a hot mean girl doting on you,” Lila said.

“Exactly,” Diego said.

“Well, I think we should get you accustomed to the new reality,” Lila said. “Shall we do this again sometime?”

“Yes,” Diego said.

“Yes,” Five said decisively.

“That’s my love,” Lila said, kissing Diego on the forehead.

Diego woke up to the mattress moving.

He kept his eyes closed for a moment, letting the memories of the night before flood back into his mind. It seemed like a dream. He’d never felt so… floaty before; so utterly submissive. If that was what drugs were like, he could understand why Klaus had gotten addicted.

Then he realized the bed frame was squeaking.

He opened his eyes, eyebrows shooting high when he registered the sight in front of him. He reached over and swatted Five’s flank. “Hey,” he said. “That’s my girlfriend, bro.”

“And it’s your brother, but you don’t see me apologizing,” Lila said. Her hair was spread out on the pillow in a short halo. She let out a breathy sound. “Yeah, Five, right there.”

“I feel left out,” Diego said, turning over onto his side and propping his cheek in his hand.

The sun streamed golden through the blinds, lighting up Five and Lila like saints. Lila’s leg clutched around Five’s back, simultaneously needy and elegant, and Five’s hips rolled effortlessly, knocking little hitched sounds out of her. Five’s bangs hung in his face, a little floppy, knocked loose by a night of sleep, and he looked down at Lila with uncharacteristic fondness as they moved together.

Five looked up at Diego, as if he could feel his eyes on him. “Should I apologize? I don’t want to.”

“You could join us,” Lila said breathlessly.

“You two seem pretty—” Diego made a sandwiched-together gesture with his hands. “I don’t think I really factor into this equation.”

“Fine,” Five said. “You can watch.”

“Oh, I assumed I was already watching,” Diego said, reaching down to adjust his cock in his boxers.

He’d never felt this lucky before.

“God, you’re good at this, it’s unfair,” Lila said. She latched both her legs around him, arching her back. _“Christ.”_

“If you say I’m better than Diego, he’ll have to join in,” Five said, lips curving up in a smirk.

“Stop it,” Diego said.

Lila reached her hand out blindly, patting around on the mattress before she found Diego’s and squeezed.

Diego squeezed back.

“It’s easy,” Diego said, lacing his fingers through Five’s. “Stand up straight.”

Five set his shoulders back.

“Same pattern of steps,” Diego said. “You just have to learn it. Then you’re golden. Feel the music in your body.”

Lila reached over, sliding the record player further towards them. Spanish music poured out, suffusing the room with the melody.

“I don’t know how you ever managed this at the Academy,” Five said. He looked down, trying to make sure he wasn’t stepping on Diego’s feet.

“Ah-ah,” Diego said. “Eyes up.”

“Christ,” Five said.

“I assumed you both knew how to dance,” Lila said, drawing her feet up onto the sofa.

“I left before I could learn,” Five said, looking up into Diego’s eyes.

“There’s nothing to it,” Diego said. His palm brushed low on Five’s lower back, and he moved in, rocking him to the rhythm. “Go with it. Let your body take control.”

Five’s eyes were huge.

Diego pulled him in, spinning him in a close twirl. “Follow my lead, baby boy.”

“God,” Five said, tipping his head back. He breathed out, body still trembling with the aftershocks of his orgasm. “I’ve never been so fucking horny in my life. Waking up in your bed gets me hard. Seeing Lila first thing at breakfast gets me hard. Ballroom dancing gets me hard.”

“I know,” Diego said, tangling his bare legs with Five’s. “Can’t even think most of the time.”

“What’s keeping us from never getting out of bed?” Five said.

“Someone has to make dinner,” Diego said.

“I’ve got you,” Lila called from the kitchen. “If this doesn’t burn.”

Diego smiled.

“Is it some sort of law that every vacation rental house has to have a puzzle in it?” Diego said, watching Five spread out the pieces.

“Don’t know,” Lila said. “But this house had a nice assortment of Texas-themed ones.”

“Is it some sort of law that every house in Texas has to have something Texas-themed in it?” Diego said.

“Yes,” Five said. “That’s the law.”

“Wow,” Diego said. “The more you know.”

“I picked the cow skulls puzzle rather than the American flag one,” Lila said. She leaned forward, turning the pieces all face-up. “Except all the skulls look the same, really.”

“You would have had that problem with the flag too,” Diego said, watching her. “Three-quarters of it is just stripes.”

“It was one of those designs where the flag is all wavy,” Lila said.

“Wavy stripes are not better,” Diego said.

“Yeah, but it gives it a bit of texture,” Lila said.

“I’m realizing I have strong feelings about jigsaw puzzles,” Five said, emptying the last of the pieces onto the table and propping the box up so they could see the picture.

“I have never had that thought in my life,” Diego said. “Enlighten us.”

“The design needs to have distinct parts,” Five said. “Various starting points. And it needs to have lots of colors.”

“How do you like this one?” Lila said.

“With the cow skulls?” Five said.

“Yeah,” Lila said.

Five shrugged. “B+.”

Diego propped his feet in Five’s lap. “You’re hard to please.”

Five’s hands dropped to Diego’s feet automatically, stroking them absent-mindedly. Diego wiggled his toes at him. “I have high standards.”

“‘Course you do,” Diego said.

Lila warped over, settling behind Diego’s shoulders and placing his head in her lap. “Would you ever let me paint your toenails?”

“No?” Diego said. “Obviously?”

“You’re no fun,” Lila said.

Diego turned his head, grinning up at her. “I’m a lot of fun, actually.”

Lila flicked him. “‘Course you are.”

Five leaned forward, keeping one hand on Diego’s feet as he moved the puzzle pieces around on the table. Lila kneaded Diego’s shoulders gently. Diego closed his eyes, listening to the sound, breathing slowly and evenly.

“Diego,” Lila said, “you’re so tense. Can I do a little acupressure on you?”

“What’s that?” Diego said, not opening his eyes.

“It’s a massage but not the sexy kind,” Lila said.

“So no oiling me up and petting my abs?” Diego said.

“Oil is hard to wash off,” Five said, pressing two pieces into place.

Diego flexed his foot, trying and failing to flip him off with his toes.

“It might hurt,” Lila said.

“Washing oil off?” Diego said.

“When I press into the trigger points that are making your body go tight,” Lila said.

“Do whatever,” Diego said, eyes closed. “Take this body for a spin.”

Lila dug in with her knuckles.

Diego’s eyes flew open. “Jesus!”

“What are you doing to him?” Five said.

“Finding the trigger points,” Lila said.

Diego cursed.

“I told you it might hurt,” Lila said, easing off. She rubbed Diego’s arm. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Diego said, closing his eyes again.

“You can tell her to stop,” Five said.

“No, I’m good,” Diego said. “Keep going.”

“Relax into it,” Lila said.

Diego breathed out in a long exhale.

“Good,” Lila murmured. She pressed in again. “There we go, love.”

Diego’s lips parted a little.

“I thought this wasn’t the sexual kind of massage,” Five said.

“Nnh,” Diego said. “It’s different.” He blinked his eyes open, looking up at Five. He felt pliant and tender. “You know how you two— did that thing on me? When you teamed up and… took care of me?”

Five raised his eyebrows.

“It’s like that,” Diego said.

“Oh,” Five said. He paused. “And does it feel good?”

Diego nodded.

“You’re loosening up,” Lila said. She rubbed Diego’s shoulders, then moved her knuckles to another point behind the base of his skull. “You’re extraordinarily tight, you know. Someone should do this to you often.”

“And you haven’t even tried to fuck me yet,” Diego said.

“Do you get fucked often?” Five said.

“Uh-uh,” Diego said. “I’m a top.”

“Would you ever want to try?” Five said.

“Maybe,” Diego said. “With you.”

Five smiled.

Lila rubbed Diego’s neck. “You’d look gorgeous like that. I’m picturing the pretty sounds you’d make with Five inside you.”

“What’s it like getting fucked by Five?” Diego said.

“Quite good,” Lila said. “Quite, quite good.”

“Mmh,” Diego said. “Maybe I should try it.”

“Might I watch?” Lila said.

“No,” Diego said. “You’d have to be in the other room missing out on the fun.”

“Are you serious right now?” Lila said.

“No, I’m not serious,” Diego said, opening his eyes. “You can be there. You should be there.”

“Good,” Lila said. “I was going to say…”

“You can do color commentary,” Diego said.

Lila pressed her knuckle into the side of Diego’s neck. “I’d want to do more than that.”

“Oh yeah?” Diego said.

“What if we tied you up?” Lila said, leaning in close.

Diego tensed.

Lila pulled back.

Diego swallowed. “I don’t like bondage. Not after…”

Five bowed his head.

“Oh,” Lila said.

“I prefer your arms free anyway,” Five said quietly. He reached over, squeezing Diego’s bicep. “And your hands, too.”

“Such beautiful hands,” Lila agreed.

A lump formed in Diego’s throat. The image of himself in the straitjacket lurked in his thoughts in a blurry sketch, poised for him to bring it out to justify— _I don’t like bondage anymore because do you know what they did to me, do you know what it felt like, I can’t even sleep with the sheets tucked in at the end of the bed—_  
“  
You’ve gone all tense again,” Lila murmured. “You can let go, Diego.”

Diego padded into the kitchen, undershirt clinging to him, sweatpants hanging low on his hips. The sun was already bright where Five and Lila were sitting at the table.

“Good morning,” Lila said, hands curled around a cup of coffee. “Someone slept late.”

“What time is it?” Diego said.

“Ten,” Five said.

“Fuck,” Diego said.

Five teleported to him, bringing him Lila’s coffee.

Diego accepted it, taking a sip. “Thanks,” he said.

“Of course,” Five said, leaning against him.

Diego looked up. “What’s going on?”

“Pardon?” Lila said.

“The energy in here’s off,” Diego said. “You two aren’t ribbing each other.”

Five and Lila looked at each other.

“What?” Diego said.

Lila drew her feet up onto the chair. Diego noticed belatedly that she was wearing one of his shirts.

“Hey,” he said, voice softening. “Is something wrong?”

“I think I have to leave,” Lila said.

Diego’s stomach dropped.

“Already?” he said.

Lila’s eyes were big. “I never figured myself out,” she said. “And I know— you said that was what this was going to be, and it didn’t turn out to be that. And that isn’t your fault. Because I don’t think I was ready to be put through the ringer. And when I’m with you— I don’t want to do that.” She breathed out. “I’m bad at talking.”

“You’re okay,” Diego said, walking over and pulling up a chair.

Lila flexed her hands. “I never knew how to care about other people before I met you.”

“Understandable,” Five said. He was sitting on the table. “The Handler never exactly taught you that.”

“I thought what I felt for my parents was the anomaly,” Lila said. “I didn’t really get that that’s how love’s supposed to be.”

“Unconditional?” Diego said quietly.

“Pleasant,” Lila said.

Diego shifted.

“And I didn’t understand how everybody else managed it,” Lila said. “For the longest time I told myself— my God, thank goodness it’s just me and Mum, I can’t fathom how anyone can stand having more family members than this. I hate it. But then I stumbled on your frankly bizarre septuplet situation and I tried to kill all of you and you were kind to me and then— I ended up having a threesome with two of you, and we ended up… something, and…”

Diego ran his tongue over his lower lip.

“I enjoyed it,” Lila said. “I feel better.”

“Then why do you want to leave?” Diego said.

“Because I didn’t think it was possible to feel better before,” Lila said, looking up at him. 

“But this helped, Lila,” Diego said. “Don’t let go for the sake of letting go.”

“I’m not, I promise,” Lila said. “And I don’t want to leave forever.”

“But you know that the world you tried to explore is bigger than you’d thought,” Five said. “And that makes you think there might be more that you’d written off on your first time around.”

Lila looked over at him. “Yeah. Yeah, exactly.”

Diego swallowed. “You’re not just trying to deny yourself, right?”

Lila shook her head.

“Did you…” Diego wet his lips. “Did you regret this? Us?”

“No, God no,” Lila said. She scooted forward in her chair, clasping her hands with Diego’s. “The opposite. You two changed my life.”

“I’ll miss you,” Diego said, looking at her.

“I know,” Lila said. “You’re the only person who ever has.”

Diego smiled a little. “Everybody else doesn’t know what they’re missing.”

Lila grinned, shaking her hair out of her face. “Everybody else doesn’t know the me that I am around you.”

“They should,” Diego said.

“Which is why I’m going,” Lila said softly.

Diego looked into her eyes. Lila often cloaked herself in black leather and sharp jokes. She was a corvid who flew in search of a shoulder to perch on, or someone to dig her claws into. Her face was usually set like a trap; a girl who was never designed for close relationships.

It always caught him off guard how young her eyes looked.

“Not forever,” Lila said. “I’ll be back. I’ll be in and out, yeah? Stray cat?”

“Yeah?” Diego echoed.

“I promise this isn’t goodbye forever,” Lila said. She smiled. “We never did that three-way 69 that Five claims is possible.”

“I didn’t say it was possible,” Five said. “Diego said it was impossible and I objected.”

“But you’re coming back around?” Diego said, looking at Lila.

“Yes,” Lila said. She squeezed Diego’s hands. “Promise. Pinky promise?”

Diego held up his hand, hooking her pinky finger.

“Good boy,” Lila said. She leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. “I love you.”

Diego turned his head, kissing her lips. “You too,” he murmured.

“And you have Five,” Lila said. “You won’t be alone.”

“What, am I the consolation prize?” Five said.

“Hardly,” Lila said. “If anything, I’m the extraneous one. You two are good together.”

Diego looked up, eyes searching for him. He felt a flare in his chest when he locked eyes with Five— a rightness, an instant reaction. He’d thought of _home_ as half a dozen fractured places over the course of his life: the shadowed hallways of the Academy, the cramped boiler room, the city streets at night when most people were scurrying or staggering back to their apartments.

He hadn’t realized a person could be home before.

Five smiled back, small and earnest.

“Look at you go,” Lila said. “See?”

“Yeah,” Diego said, turning back to Lila.

Five warped over, leaning against Diego.

Lila looked up at Five.

“I’ll miss you too,” Five said.

“I never in my life thought I could like you,” Lila said.

Five raised his eyebrows. “And what’s your verdict these days?”

“Oh, just come here so I can kiss you,” Lila said.

Five grinned, warping in and kissing her, winding one hand into her hair and tugging. Diego watched, content, as Lila kissed back.

“When do you have to leave?” Diego said when they broke apart.

“Today,” Lila said.

“Christ,” Diego said.

Lila tipped her head back. “Don’t be too sad. There’s a briefcase kicking around in this house somewhere. I can visit you two whenever I like. Stray cat, going in and out like I please, remember?”

“Oh yeah?” Diego said. His chest still felt raw. “And when’s that gonna be?”

“As soon as I start missing you,” Lila said.

The car was quiet on the way back to the rental agency.

“I wish we could just warp back,” Diego said, watching the highway rush past. “End it quicker. Why did we even rent a car instead of going with the briefcase?”

“Flexibility,” Five said.

Diego ground the heel of his palm into his eye.

“She said she’d be back,” Five said.

“I know,” Diego said.

“She promised,” Five said.

“Yeah,” Diego said, rolling his head to stare out the window.

“As soon as she starts missing us,” Five said. “She’d better damn follow through.”

Diego glanced back. Five’s jaw was set, and his face was elegant and uncompromising, so dignified an outside observer might not have noticed he was sad.

When Five pulled up at the address Diego had told him to go to, Diego hesitated.

“You wanna come in?” he said.

“Yeah,” Five said. He slipped his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know if I’ve been to your new place before.”

“I don’t know if you have,” Diego said. He hesitated. “We’re gonna change that, right?”

Five smiled, taking Diego’s arm and warping him to the doorstep.

Diego caught him as they landed. “I still hate that,” he said. “I mean, I’m gonna get used to it, don’t worry, but I can’t believe you do that every two seconds.”

“Practice,” Five said. “Be my boyfriend long enough and it’ll be old hat.”

Diego grinned. “Is that what we are?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Five said.

Diego leaned in and kissed him. Then he reached into his pocket, fumbling for the key—

“Diego,” Five said. “I think it’s unlocked.”

Diego’s blood ran cold. He tested the doorknob, feeling the give as the door pushed open. He looked at Five.

Five stared back.

“If we get robbed,” Diego said, stepping inside, but he didn’t finish the sentence.

The light was on. The pantry door was open like someone had been going through it, and there were dishes on the kitchen table. On the floor lay a pair of red lace-up boots, untied, one leaning against the other.

**Author's Note:**

> doing my TUA thing as [electra-xt](https://electra-xt.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, come say hi! I take prompts and don't bite :)


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